When my sweet friend says of my prolonged singleness, “I don’t know how you do it…” I smile. ‘Tis like she is insinuating that I have some sort of superpower that no one else has.
But, I know. I remember. I remember some of those hard moments. Those moments that happen each Sunday, when I watch everyone at church get in their vehicle and go home with family. And I walk away by myself. I go home and eat lunch alone. Oh certainly sometimes a friend or three join me, but many many times they don’t. Yes, I think of the countless times when my friends felt distant, and I wondered if they’d forgotten that I existed. I remember those times when I’ve checked my phone multiple times in the hour, hoping that someone would connect with my heart’s plea for friendship. I’ve wondered too about my past guy relationships. Did I make good choices there? Should I have done something… anything… differently? I mean, I honestly don’t want to be single for the rest of my life.
But at the age of 34, I’ve learned ONE main thing, about doing this singleness thing well, about ENJOYING this season of my life, however long it might be.
The number ONE thing that has kept me from being broken by singleness is a simple revelation really. It’s grown stronger in me the past couple of years. It’s held me in those hard places, even when my heart felt that it might not be true. That revelation? I’m not doing life alone. In fact, I’m NOT EVER ALONE.
When I was a young girl I remember hearing a sermon about “practicing the presence of God” which was in short treating God as if He really is with you every step of the way. That message stuck. Today, it’s no longer a message. It’s a lifestyle. I’ve finally realized that God REALLY meant it when He said that He would never leave me (Hebrews 13:5). He is REALLY right here with me every. single. moment. of every single day. I can SING to Him all day long. I can drive to see a friend by “myself” on a long road trip and worship my KING the whole way and have SO MUCH FUN doing it, and feel SO ON TOP OF THE WORLD, IN LOVE with my very BEST friend, Jesus. It’s He who has kept me; it’s He who has held me; it’s He who will continue to hold me all of my eternity. It’s the truth… an absolute. Jesus is always there.
And so in those moments “alone” when my friend didn’t invite me, when my other friend declined my request to hang out, and when it seems I’m the only person that knows where I am, I hear Him whisper, “I’m here, Josie. I promised I would be until forever, and my promises never fail. It is I that have held you, that have kept you, that have molded you, and it is I that will NEVER walk away.” He is my Provider, my Healer, my Lover, my Strength, my Song… my Everything. I turn to Him again… and again… and again… AND even when I’m discouraged and frustrated and thinking about it ALL WRONG, He’s RIGHT there by my side, lovingly, patiently turning my heart back toward Him, the One that’s never left. AND THAT is precisely what has kept me from being broken by loneliness. And whether you are surrounded by a family of ten or a family of none, whether your last profile picture got a hundred likes or two, God sees you. He knows right where you are. He is watching after you and whispering to your heart, “I see you. Turn to ME. I will take care of you, and fulfill your deepest heart’s desires.” So that’s it. That’s my superpower. Now that I’ve revealed it, you go and be SUPER too.
Virtue Girls Blog 